Author: garrybailey

You hear it all of the time. Whenever a commercial comes on television, someone is telling you that you deserve a break today or that you can have it your way. When I see these commercials I think—yeah, a break would be nice, and having it my way would be a welcome change of pace. But I’m also thinking this person on television doesn’t have a clue about who I am or what I deserve. Not only that, but I’m pretty sure that if I take the break I’d like, it will cost me something.

These messages serve as a reminder for me to be mindful about my entitlements. We all recognize that we have rights and opportunities. It’s human nature. And come to think of it, it is animal nature too. Saying “don’t take the bone away from the dog” is a bit like trying to teach your children to share. Taking turns is not easy. You may see your dog and your child demonstrate an emotional expression of entitlement.

But sharing is a good lesson to learn and can solve a host of potential conflicts before they ever arise. Imagine a world where a divorcing couple engages in a peaceful process of dividing property and determining custody. When the husband recognizes a particular item having great value to his wife, he can speak up about wanting her to have it. When the wife knows her husband really wants to share a holiday with the children, she can give that. Of course, this is a complex process but the honesty of the giving process can be very rewarding in the long term.

When parents die, siblings have to deal with property and wishes of the parents. There can be great joy or great conflict in the process. Imagine the long-term joy that can result from a brother telling his siblings about how daddy used to love to hear the sister play the piano. When there was no will to determine who should have the piano, it was obvious that the sister should take it home and play often for daddy. A potential conflict situation where siblings might argue over who is entitled to keep the piano turned into a time of joy in sharing stories about loving parents.

Entitlements can be very complicated though. Who is entitled to have health care? Who is allowed to sit at the front of a bus? In what part of town can a person live? Privilege and ownership are complicated determinants of entitlement. A social system made of self and others we do not know can easily make us overlook the appropriateness of fair sharing of things or privileges.

A maturing person will think of her or his entitlements with a focus on what is right or fair for everyone, and how to bless others, especially the less fortunate. If you think of it, we think about entitlement because we live in communities where rights and resources are not equal between people. If we could get beyond our desire to protect our entitlements, we would look to the interests of others, build friendships, find joy in giving, earn the respect of others, and even have reason to respect ourselves.

My grandmother was a Chippewa Indian. I loved her for many reasons but one that stands out to me was her storytelling. She always wanted to know the latest about what was happening in my life but she also had many stories to tell. One particularly meaningful story for me is the 7 Grandfather Teachings. Interestingly, in my research about the story, it first appeared as the 7 Sacred Teachings of the White Buffalo Calf Woman. I don’t know how it became The 7 Grandfather Teachings but that’s the way stories go.

Many writings on the story refer to it as the story about how to have a successful life. I see the story as a path for living into a community of peace. Each teaching is associated with an animal that in some way reflects the teaching. The first teaching is humility. Look to the wolf, the story says, as an example of humility. In the presence of others, the wolf bows in deference but not in fear. Humans can begin to have good relationships by engaging the practice of having confidence and power but bowing in deference to others.

The second teaching is honesty. Look to Kitchi-Sabe as an example of honesty. Kitchi-Sabe is known as a four-legged creature that walks with two legs. It sounds like Big Foot but who knows? The story says that he cannot move as fast as the 4-legged animals but he accepts himself for who he is. Honesty is for self first. You cannot be honest for others if you cannot first accept yourself for who you are and let that be enough. It is a lesson for me to recognize what is enough and to know that I am always enough for what is right for me.

The third teaching is respect. The model of respect is the buffalo. The story reminds about the time when buffalo were plentiful in the plains. In times past, the buffalo were hunted respectfully. Virtually all of the body was used for some purpose. There is food, clothing, and tools to have and share from the gift of this life. In respect for others, the buffalo sacrifices his life. Peace depends on our ability to treat others and ourselves with respect. At times this means sacrifice and at other times it means receiving a gift gracefully.

The fourth teaching is courage. Our example of courage is the bear. Just as the bear hibernates in winter, so does her courage remain hidden until it is needed. The bear takes care of her young and we take care of our responsibilities. We face our fears and dangers with courage because that is who we are.

The fifth teaching is wisdom. The example of wisdom for us is the beaver. He works and works using his gifts to serve his purpose. He thrives because he uses the gift of his teeth with commitment and effort for building and providing for others. Without using his gift, his teeth would grow until they become unusable. If this happens, the beaver would not be able to serve his purpose. In wisdom he will not fail to use his gift. We must also use our gifts in serving our purposes or risk losing what is important.

The sixth teaching is truth. The turtle is our example of truth. He slowly moves forward with strength and stability understanding all of the teachings. Truth in life is that by incorporating all of the other teachings, we live out our purpose. Truth is about what the journey looks like. It is not just about reaching a particular destination. The spirit of truth also gives us peace because living in it we care for self and others fairly.

The seventh teaching is love. The eagle is our example of love because she exemplifies all of the teachings. She flies high in the sky to see all truth. She lives in humility, honesty, courage, respect, and wisdom. She cares for her young, teaching them by example to live in peace by these principles.

A final sacred teaching is both a condition and result of all these teachings. It is about living in gratitude. Some days it is harder than others to see what we should be grateful for. Every day, however, we receive gifts from what others have done prior to each moment we experience. By accepting the 7 Grandfather Teachings and living them with gratitude, we live into the community of peace.

My grandmother showed me that these are good teachings, and she also reminded me that we always live out these teachings imperfectly. It is the effort that counts, she said, and to remember that this is a good journey.

See more about these teachings and others at davidbouchard.com