Holiday gatherings can be wonderful reunions or painful rituals. Have you ever had a relative or friend who challenges your ability to be tolerant? It’s the person who likes to talk condescendingly about your political opinions, religious views, or even your sports teams. When these people are present, holiday gatherings become difficult.
The problem is that we anticipate the negative comments and we consciously or unconsciously prepare our negative responses. We become an equal part of the negativity pattern. Our gatherings never have a chance for success unless someone breaks the pattern.
The solution is really a matter of changing our perspective and choosing different actions. People generally want to have positive relationships. To break the negativity pattern, give your friend or family member the gift of being fully present, completely interested, and absolutely respectful of what they have to say and who they are. What I mean is, when the negative conversation begins ask with true curiosity and no judgment what they believe about the topic and why. Don’t insert your opinions. Rather, really explore the views of the other. You will find that you have given a gift and received a gift. You will grow closer to your friend or relative and you will have a much greater appreciation for him or her even though you may disagree about a lot of things.
Why not make a regular habit of setting aside distractions and giving the gift of you? Be fully present for someone, maybe even someone you find disagreeable. You might be surprised by the results. Your presence may be the best present.
Pursuing Peace 