Entitlement

You hear it all of the time. Whenever a commercial comes on television, someone is telling you that you deserve a break today or that you can have it your way. When I see these commercials I think—yeah, a break would be nice, and having it my way would be a welcome change of pace. But I’m also thinking this person on television doesn’t have a clue about who I am or what I deserve. Not only that, but I’m pretty sure that if I take the break I’d like, it will cost me something.

These messages serve as a reminder for me to be mindful about my entitlements. We all recognize that we have rights and opportunities. It’s human nature. And come to think of it, it is animal nature too. Saying “don’t take the bone away from the dog” is a bit like trying to teach your children to share. Taking turns is not easy. You may see your dog and your child demonstrate an emotional expression of entitlement.

But sharing is a good lesson to learn and can solve a host of potential conflicts before they ever arise. Imagine a world where a divorcing couple engages in a peaceful process of dividing property and determining custody. When the husband recognizes a particular item having great value to his wife, he can speak up about wanting her to have it. When the wife knows her husband really wants to share a holiday with the children, she can give that. Of course, this is a complex process but the honesty of the giving process can be very rewarding in the long term.

When parents die, siblings have to deal with property and wishes of the parents. There can be great joy or great conflict in the process. Imagine the long-term joy that can result from a brother telling his siblings about how daddy used to love to hear the sister play the piano. When there was no will to determine who should have the piano, it was obvious that the sister should take it home and play often for daddy. A potential conflict situation where siblings might argue over who is entitled to keep the piano turned into a time of joy in sharing stories about loving parents.

Entitlements can be very complicated though. Who is entitled to have health care? Who is allowed to sit at the front of a bus? In what part of town can a person live? Privilege and ownership are complicated determinants of entitlement. A social system made of self and others we do not know can easily make us overlook the appropriateness of fair sharing of things or privileges.

A maturing person will think of her or his entitlements with a focus on what is right or fair for everyone, and how to bless others, especially the less fortunate. If you think of it, we think about entitlement because we live in communities where rights and resources are not equal between people. If we could get beyond our desire to protect our entitlements, we would look to the interests of others, build friendships, find joy in giving, earn the respect of others, and even have reason to respect ourselves.